Common Marriage Preparation Questions

Because of marriages’ importance, the archdiocese requires and regulates an intentional marriage preparation process. Our goal is to help you to grow in love and be open to God’s graces in preparation toa happy and fulfilling marriage. There are several components to this:

• To determine whether you have the basic elements of a psychological, intellectual, moral and legal capability for marriage and family life
• To foster a clear awareness of the essential characteristics of Catholic marriage: unity, fidelity, indissolubility, and fruitfulness
• To offer an opportunity for deepening your personal faith and to help you discover of the value of the sacraments and the experience of prayer
• To offer practical advice and assistance on married love, including marital communication and overcoming challenges
• To provide education and support on Catholic values concerning human life and married sexuality, in keeping with the authentic teachings of the Church.

According to the Canon Law (the law of the Church), for a marriage to be valid:

• At least one of the spouses must be a baptized Catholic (Confirmation is not required, but recommended. Reach out to your officiant if you are interested in RCIA.)
• The wedding must be celebrated in Catholic church in the presence of a Catholic priest/deacon/bishop and two other witnesses
• The spouses must be free to be married (e.g., no prior valid marriages)
• They must be psychologically mature and capable of consenting to the marriage
• They must understand the nature of Catholic marriage (i.e., exclusive, permanent, and open to having children)

A marriage that doesn’t follow the Canon Law requirements (e.g., a civil marriage) is not valid in the eyes of the Church. If you are civilly married, and would like to be married in the church you can! Find more information about convalidation here.

Under the regulations of the archdiocese, the spouses must also meet several times with the priest/deacon who will be witnessing their marriage, and they must attend a marriage preparation program. Find out more here.

Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man, a woman and God. It is a tremendous gift and a visible sign of God’s love and commitment to His people (Eph 5:31-32). This sacred relationship is the foundation of the family and society and the life of the Church. This  public act is celebrated as part of the Church’s liturgy and introduces couples into a  new and special stage of life in the Church. It creates a permanent and faithful bond between husband and wife and establishes significant rights and responsibilities between a couple and, eventually, their children.

Because marriage is so  important, the Church wants to make sure couples are properly prepared and fully aware of what is involved. . The Church’s special obligation to take care of the spiritual health of all of God’s people informs this robust and intentional preparation process.

As a result, marriage preparation is regulated and overseen by Canon Law (the Church’s universal law),  the archdiocese, liturgical rules and pastoral requirements of individual parishes and priests.

Our goal is for couples to enter this process with an earnest and open heart and  face issues and answer difficult questions of critical importance in advance of their marriage. These conversations, often with priest/deacon, are intended to open lines of communication and hopefully avoid problems in the future ultimately resulting in a firmer sense of confidence in their love and in the love of God.

If you’re Catholic, you’ll need to have the following documents:

• A certificate of baptism, dated within six months of your wedding date
• Evidence of your first communion and confirmation if applicable
• If you’re not getting married in your home parish, your freedom to marry must be established by either a statement of “no notations” (prior valid marriages, religious vows, etc.) on your baptismal certificate (e.g., that there are no prior valid marriages, no religious vows, etc.) or a letter from your pastor

If you’re a non-Catholic Christian, you will need evidence that you were baptized (e.g., a recent baptismal certificate). Some priests/deacons will ask for a letter from a parent or other adult stating that you are free to be married (no prior marriages).

You will usually be asked to have these documents at the time of the Pre-Marital Interview (PMI). See question 13 for more information.

A marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, can still be a sacramental marriage. The preparation process for the marriage remains the same except the Catholic spouse must obtain a formal permission from his/her bishop for the marriage. This is formally called “dispensation” due to “disparity of worship”.

The priest or deacon overseeing your marriage preparation will help you obtain any documents you may need. If your home parish is not within the Archdiocese, please contact them to obtain these documents.

The processing and approval of these dispensations take time, so you should start the process early (at least 6 months before the wedding is recommended.)

Please see the answer to the following question if you are curious about getting married outside of a church.

You should also be aware that there can only be one marriage ceremony. If the wedding is celebrated in the Catholic church, the priest presides, and a non-Catholic minister can offer prayers and ask a blessing on the couple. If the wedding takes place in a non-Catholic church, the minister presides, and a priest/deacon may be present to offer a prayer and blessing.

The Catholic spouse is also under serious obligation to ensure their children are raised in the Catholic faith — indeed, during one of your interviews with the priest/deacon who is overseeing your marriage preparation, the Catholic spouse must make a formal promise to that effect, and the other spouse must be made aware of that promise.

It is crucial to have open and honest communication about differences in faith and what that may mean for your future lifestyles. The robust marriage preparation process should start those conversations and help mitigate and avoid potential problems that they may cause. There are many wonderful and strong interfaith relationships in which the couples, based on their love and mutual respect, grow closer to God and each other; this is what we wish for you. Holiness is the goal, and a married couple with religious differences can still get there — and be joyfully married as well — by helping and supporting each other.

The answer to the question depends on whether a marriage is between two Catholics, between a Catholic and another Christian or between a Catholic and a non-Christian.

Marriage Outside of a Church — Between Two Catholics

Under Canon Law, a marriage between two Catholics must be celebrated in a parish church. The only exception is for a marriage in a Catholic chapel if one of the spouses is a student, graduate, faculty member, or has some other significant connection to the institution. Permission must be requested from the local pastor. Your priest/deacon will help you obtain permission.

Under the regulations of the Archdiocese of New York, permission is never granted for a marriage between two Catholics to be celebrated in such places as parks, restaurants, catering halls, hotels, cruise ships, or the beach.

Marriage Outside of a Church — Interfaith Situations

Out of respect for other faith communities, permission can be obtained for a wedding to celebrated at another house of worship. The Catholic spouse must obtain a “dispensation from canonical form” (a release from the formal requirements that the wedding occur in a Catholic Church, witnessed by a Catholic priest, deacon or bishop) from his/her bishop. Your priest/deacon will help you to obtain this dispensation from the Chancery Office. Obtaining the dispensation can take time, so you should start the process early.

Permission can only be granted for a wedding between a Catholic and another Christian outdoors or in a non-religious location only if the circumstances merit special permission, reserved to the judgment of the Chancery. However, permission may be given for a wedding between a Catholic and a non-Christian in a non-religious building if there are truly extraordinary circumstances.

Because the Catholic Church recognizes marriage as a permanent and sacred bond between a man and woman “until death,” a person cannot enter into a second marriage while his or her previous spouse is still living.

Yet, certain personal and spiritual elements required for a valid marriage may have been missing before the previous wedding ceremony took place. After an annulment investigation, the Church may conclude with moral certitude that no valid marriage had taken place, and the parties are free to marry someone else.

The Annulment process can bring tremendous self-healing to individual whose marriage ended in divorce.  It is best to contact your parish priest to begin the annulment petition process, and he will direct you to next steps.  For additional information on annulments, visit this article.  In the Archdiocese of New York, you can also visit our website here, or contact us via email tribunal@archny.org or call 646-794-3200 for more information.

If you’re getting married outside of the Archdiocese of New York you should speak to the priest or deacon who will be witnessing your marriage about your marriage preparation. Often, they will be satisfied if you attend a marriage preparation program here. They also may ask you to work with a priest or deacon here regarding your marriage preparation (e.g. he may ask that a priest in your local parish do a Pre-Marital Interview). See question 13 for more information.

The spouse who is a native of the archdiocese will have to make sure certain documents are sent to the priest or deacon who will be officiating the marriage. Your local priest will send the necessary documents to the other diocese after having the Chancery Office endorse them with the archdiocesan seal.

Any dispensations or permissions required by Canon Law must be granted by the bishop of your home diocese.

For various reasons, a couple may have chosen to marry civilly instead of getting married in the Catholic Church.  No matter the circumstances, we eagerly invite you to bring your marriage into the Catholic Church!  The process to do this is called convalidation.

Even if there is not explicitly wrong with or negative about your family life and marriage dynamic, there is a tremendous beauty and strength in a Catholic and sacramental marriage that we encourage you to explore.  As spouses, you can enter into a deeper and more grace-filled relationship with each other and with God by having your marriage convalidated by the Church.

Convalidation is a relatively simple process, particularly if neither of the spouses was in a prior marriage before joining their current partner.  If one or both of the spouses was in a prior marriage, the partner in the earlier union must have died, or the Church must have issued a declaration of nullity (commonly called an annulment) before the convalidation process can begin.

In either case, the first step is to contact a local parish or your own parish, and make an appointment to thoroughly discuss your situation with the pastor or his delegate and determine the steps to follow.

Despite common misconceptions, the Church does not promote or permit couples to move in together before they are married. This is not without good reason, though. Studies show very clearly that living together is not good marriage preparation, but instead hurts relationships:

• The divorce rate for couples who have lived together is much higher than for other couples (some studies report that couples who lived together before marriage are twice as likely to divorce within the first ten years of marriage).
• In the case of men who have lived with a series of women, the divorce rate is even higher.
• The longer the couple lives together, the higher the divorce rate.
• Couples who cohabit typically have worse communication and conflict resolution skills than those who do not, and a reduced sense of commitment.

Because of the moral and spiritual problems, speak honestly and openly to your priest/deacon about the situation. Go to confession, and seek God’s forgiveness and healing.

Take a serious look at your motivations and expectations about marriage considering the current state of your relationship. Ask yourself: Am I really ready for a life-long, exclusive commitment? Am I feeling pressured to get married because of my current situation?

The best thing is to move into separate living quarters and be chaste until your wedding night. If that’s not possible because of financial concerns, you can still agree to be chaste until marriage.

The question of prenuptial agreements frequently arises today. These agreements are basically a contract between prospective spouses about how their property and other rights will be handled within their marriage and how they would be handled in the event of a divorce.

The Catholic Church does not have a blanket prohibition against prenuptial agreements. There may be some cases where they are perfectly legitimate. For example, if a widow with adult children marries a widower who also has adult children, a prenuptial agreement can be a legitimate way to preserve the inheritance rights of each spouse’s children to the property of the prior marriage.

In most cases, however, prenuptial agreements are a bad idea, and may even call into doubt the validity of the marriage.

When a couple enters into a prenuptial agreement, they implicitly foresee the break-up of their marriage,  It suggests their consent is to be married until it doesn’t “work out,” and that they are more committed to their possessions than to the marriage. This is not compatible with Catholic marriage. . For a marriage to be valid, the couple must both fully understand what indissolubility means and they consent to it.

Our advice is that couples should avoid prenuptial agreements. We would also recommend that couples talk seriously about why they would contemplate a prenuptial agreement and whether they are truly ready to make the commitment to a full, permanent marriage.

Yes.  It is your responsibility to obtain and present a valid marriage license to the priest/deacon who is presiding at your wedding before the marriage ceremony. For more information about the current requirements for a marriage license, visit the  website of the New York State Department of Health.

This is the meeting at which the priest/deacon will make sure all Canon Law requirements have been met… This brief process is another way we ensure open lines of communication and speak to the priest/deacon about anything on your mind.

Many people desire a blessing from the Holy Father in anticipation of their wedding and marriage. For information about how to obtain this blessing, click here.

Contact your officiant for a personalized selection of readings and music selections. You can find popular reading selections on this site.

Marriage preparation is not limited only to the required courses. We should never want to  stop learning how to love each other better.

There are many opportunities for marriage enrichment, through various programs like the one-day Celebrate Marriage Day or a Marriage Encounter Weekend retreat.

Don’t forget that the family that prays together, stays together.

There are lots of ways to grow together spiritually, such as praying together as a couple and celebrating the liturgy together.  For other opportunities and programs see the Family Life Office Marriage Enrichment webpage.

Mentoring engaged couples and lending a helping hand in the marriage preparation process will also help you grow closer by sharing your lives with engaged couples. After you have been married for a while, call us at 646-794-3188 or email us at FLRLevents@nyfamilylife.org and find out how you can help.